February Subterfuge

It’s that time again

When people send cards that aren’t signed again

And declare undying love in vain

It’s that time again

It’s that month again

When people tell you what to buy again

The flowers and chocolates and perfume drain

It’s that time again

It’s that place again

When people in pubs make you buy roses again

For that date you hardly know again

It’s that time again

Days of unrequited love will take its toll

Too much wine and stalking is bad for the indigestion

Don’t put too much stake in romance without reciprocity

I heard it’s bad for the complexion

It’s that hope again

Where people are thinking of sex again

And some of it, not just in the brain

It’s that time again

It’s deception again

When two people are apt to feign

The best known movies of John Wayne

It’s that time again

It’s that dream again

That Valentine’s Day of Insane

To get to the 15th without sprain

It’s that time again

Is this an insincere day

Or is this the romance of a century?

Maybe today, with you

I’ll find out for sure

Days of unrequited love will take its toll

Too much wine and stalking is bad for the indigestion

Don’t put too much stake in romance without reciprocity

I heard it’s bad for the complexion

Tonight After Midnight

When darkness and shadow come creeping in

I think of you and my night begins

I close my eyes and silence comes

The strains – they fade

And tranquility hums

And then I see you

There is peace to find

You appear quite clearly, there, in my mind

You sit there by my sleepy hollow

You sit there by my bed

And in your hand you hold a rose

Of softest deepest red

And all the night long you smile

You’re there it seems for eternity

Until morning comes and calls to me

He Chopped Off Her Head

Your eyes were like two pools of blue

Your hair as soft as silk

Your lips were like a red, red rose

Your skin as white as milk

I asked if you would walk with me

I asked you for your hand

You promised to love me true

And I gave you a wedding band

And then we had some very good years

I know that we did thrive

And every day I thought I was

The luckiest man alive

One night you crept into the bed

And you were cold as ice

You had been out all night

And from your lips came lies

I found the man who stole your heart

The man who turned your head

I found the man who took my love

I found him in our bed

I loved you more than life itself

I loved you oh, so much

You have surely broken me

And now my mind is touched

I was enraged, I saw red

I didn’t know what to do

I’m quite sure that I lost my head

Now you will lose yours too

I took an axe high in the air

In frenzy, I did swing

I chopped off your lovely head

And then took back my ring

And before he had a chance to run

I took him out as well

There was some blood, just a bit

Before his body fell

I burned your bodies that same night

And put your heads on stakes

And now you are together forever

And lots of love can make

And now I’ve found another love

Only now it’s me who’s blue

For I’m a rogue and a scoundrel you see

And I am never true

I wish and hope with all my heart

She’ll find me in our bed

With another in adultery

And she’ll chop off my head

I’ve Been Looking For Miracles In All The Wrong Places

I’ve been looking for miracles in all the wrong places

where nutrient rich soil was never there

where the ground was barren and rocky and bare

where weeds choked the stems that pushed from below

that strangled the plants that dared to grow.

I’ve been looking for miracles in all the wrong places

wherever it slips and slides, hope can’t take hold,

seeds can’t flourish

in Antartic cold.

The miracles I was seeking

only grow in the light

and can’t live where the air is foul

Where shadows fall

And demons prowl

But now…

Now, I’m looking for miracles

In all the right places

Ideal conditions

Not too far

Watered with kindness and patience and love

That’s where my miracles are.

Rejection and The Season Of Goodwill


Christmas And The Apocalypse

I realised today that we can’t do anything, or go anywhere, or interact with anyone, without the risk of rejection. We risk it in our social lives, in our everyday routines, in our careers, in our jobs, business, love lives, family, in everything we do, everywhere we go…

The rejection can be about simple things, interacting with someone in a shop, a work colleague, or a friend. We can feel rejected if they don’t laugh at our little jokes, give enough eye contact, respond the way we expect/want them to. What about our work? Do we feel appreciated? What if we’re rejected on a daily basis when we put our ideas forward, make little suggestions?

And if trivial little things get rejected, what about the big things, like declarations of love? Now there’s the biggie. What if a man or woman wants to change direction, be someone new? Perhaps they’ve been living an inauthentic life, but never knew it, until now. How do they go about suddenly being Jill if they were Jack? Maybe someone has suddenly found their voice but knows it will be met with rejection if they shouted from the rooftops.

Or it could be a creative thing. An aspiring novelist sharing their work for the first time…a playwright…an artist…a painter…a singer… an actor…let’s all wait for that moment…the hiatus…the point of no return. Let’s put it out there, all of us, pour ourselves out. Bathe in the vulnerability, shower in it. Feel the raw. Skin peeled off. Now you know. You’re in the middle of the whirlwind. You feel you might explode with the tension but there’s nothing you can do. You just have to ride it through. So you felt it and you realise there’s no escape. Every day, in every way, we risk (maybe it’s just me, I don’t want to tar you with the same brush) that feeling of…rejection but what is it really? Why is it so painful, so avoidable? Yes, AVOIDABLE. Why is it so easy to avoid? Or rather preferable? And why do we go on avoiding it, time after time?

Because avoiding pain is a human instinct.

The fear of rejection is a deep primal, primitive, gut wrenching instinct of survival…bringing you back to the infantile state. It doesn’t injure us physically but it can destroy us emotionally, psychologically. Or…hurt our pride? Pride is such a coward. And if we didn’t have this…if there was no risk, or we felt no risk, in other words if we didn’t care, how far could we go? Could rejection make us stronger, when we became immune through constant exposure?

I’m interested in what type of rejection is the hardest? Sexual? Creative? Professional? Personal relationships? Family? Are they all on an even keel? Does it depend on the person? Perhaps it’s different for everyone. We all have our archilles heel.

I haven’t recently been rejected, but I’m sure we’ve all been rejected recently…that’s not the reason for this post, it’s the RISK of rejection. Now there’s the key, there’s the Big Mamma. I need to share that and in doing so, have made myself vulnerable to the risk of rejection, in a way. It has to be done, I have to live it, if I’m going to advocate it, it’s all about the risk. Sometimes I think the risk is what hurts more than anything, it’s the ‘nothing-to-fear-but-fear-itself-thingy-my-gig, that’s the Bogie Man. The Bogie man is sick (we are sick, I am sick) and we need to haul his ass out of here.

People love vulnerability, it reminds them of themselves. Our rejections rub off on others. It inspires them. Schadenfreude. You are helping others gain pleasure through your misfortune, but what they don’t realise is, your rejection has a by product. That ‘by product’ is a bit like like gas, like a cow passing wind, except it helps others. You cannot lose here. They think you are crushed through rejection but how can you be crushed if you’ve helped them want to live for another day through Schadenfreude?

Most of our rejections are temporary. So it’ll be about pushing through and never giving in and believing in the passions of your life. We have nothing else but the passions of our life, which are those things which make us feel like we are in oxygen debt if we don’t keep doing them. So, stick your neck out. Put yourself out there, risk rejection. There’s no way we can actually  go through life without the risk, unless we live without any social contact. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Treat it as a game, and you will win, or at least get somewhere, move on. It’s better than standing still.

At this time of year, rejection takes on a darker hue, it becomes heightened and therefore harder to bear. We are aware of it more for ourselves and for others. Everyone gets a little crazy the week before Christmas. It’s that time limit, the countdown, the tension.

I saw an abandoned shopping trolley full of food in a supermarket. The place was absolutely jam packed and it was utter chaos. I could imagine the rising panic of the person who abandoned it and I hoped they were feeling better for running away, more liberated, less tense. I was feeling it too. I wanted to run too, but I soldiered on. I was proud of them, whoever they were. It was a positive slant to their panic attack. They took action and got out of that hell hole. At this time of year, people just aren’t thinking straight, and another thing they’ll do is put something in a trolley and often abandon it on the sweet shelves by the check out. Why does it always seem to be a chilled or frozen product? Is it some kind of sod’s law?

People are so irritated and annoyed and panicky right now. Mothers yell at their kids more. Spouses snap at spouses. In fact, there’s much more chance of rejection this time of year than any other (Except perhaps for Valentine’s day)

People stock up on food as if it’s an apocalypse and an apocalypse is always a lonely feeling. I cam imagine an apocalypse brings rejection in bucket loads.

But Christmas isn’t an apocalypse, it’s a holiday. It’s a time for joy, love, giving and receiving, the season of goodwill, but sometimes the bleeding obvious needs to be stated now and again.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

It Ain’t Over…Endurance

God waits for our reaction. He watches how we handle the adversity,

whether we handle it with love and self sacrifice,

or chose darker, destructive emotions.

Regardless of the fact that we may want to scream and shout

Regardless of the fact that we may want to break down and cry

He watches for our reaction

He hopes beyond hope that we are patient

That our patience knows no bounds

He BANKS on us, hoping we are loving and compassionate

He BETS on us, hoping we are caring, accepting and understanding.

He HEDGES that we endure our suffering with dignity and grace.

And whatever will be, will be for our good and for the good of all.

It Ain’t Over…One More Step

One More Step

Just before the dam is about to burst, just before the volcano erupts, man gives up.

Just before the geyser bursts forth, and the mountain is moved, man gives up.

Just before that declaration of love, before that rainbow appears, man gives up.