Today, I noticed a ginger spider sitting on my kitchen worktop hugging a lemon pip. I had squeezed lemons the night before and one pip must have popped out and I hadn’t noticed it. The worktop colour is very similar to the pip colour. Anyway, I blew on Ginger to see if Ginger was alive. Usually when you breathe on insects or spiders, they run for the hills, or dance in the breeze (of your breath). Ginger didn’t move. Is Ginger dead, I thought, or is Ginger just playing dead? I blew on Ginger again and once more for good luck. Nothing. Ginger didn’t move, neither did the pip. Are you calling my bluff? Maybe if I go away and come back again, you might not be there. I decided I would give Ginger some space. Like when a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there, would Ginger leave while no-one was there to experience Ginger’s leaving? So, I went away for a decent amount of time, about fifteen minutes, and when I returned, Lo and Behold, Ginger was indeed gone and so was the pip! Ginger took the pip and fooled me good and proper, called my bluff. Of course, it could have gone two ways for Ginger. She/he could have been bludgeoned to death while he/she played dead, or was carelessly and fatally scooped into the sink, or into a dustbin. Ginger could have met with several horrible deaths, but instead, trusted fate, took a chance, took a risk and played dead, and it paid off. A lesson to us I think. And Ginger and Lemon do go together.
Author: Sue Young
Translation Errors
Displayed on a fence in a wild duck sanctuary in Vietnam, ‘Please Be Afraid Of The Rabbit’
There was also another sign which said, ‘Take nothing but memories, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but ducks.’
In the Far East,
‘Drink here, if not wishing to die yet.’
‘Guests note, there will be a fire on Monday but not to worry.’
‘Please walk in a dangerous way’ I’m sure we’ve all done this at some point.
‘Make room for the psychos’ (discovered in a carpark)
‘There are no naked men here’ (on a restaurant door)
Darn it!
Translation errors sourced from Chris Pascoes Fun Tales, Signs Of Madness, My Weekly
Quote Of The Week
‘After almost six decades of diligent slacking I’m now widely acclaimed as extraordinarily untrustworthy.’
– from blogger Cabrogal at Neurodrooling
Quote Of The Week
‘And always remember that you cannot be extraordinary if you aren’t trustworthy yourself, since others will not want to do business with you or be your friend.’
– W. M Allen from his blog post Trust at Harmony Books & Films, at LLC
Quote Of The Week
‘I was a very insecure male, a guy who wanted to put his woman into a little box, lock her up and then bring her out when he feels like playing with her.’
The Stress Of Moving Home
I’ve gotten too big for my shell
Said the hermit crab
It really is too tight
It’s getting awfully uncomfortable
I need to put this right
I can’t swing a cat inside this home
Although I wouldn’t try
I can’t stretch my claws
I can’t even yawn
It just makes me want to cry
But it’s alright
For I have spied
A nice big shell quite still
I think it belonged to a sea snail
I’ll bagsy that I will
I’m pretty sure it’s empty
I think that shell’s ‘To Let’
I think he’s defo left it
I think that’s a sure bet
There’s no ‘For Sale’ sign
And there’s even a welcome rug
Oh it’s so big and roomy
I won’t be snug as a bug
I can have wild parties in this shell
Now I’ll never be alone
I really love this shell
There’s no stress of moving home.
Man or Mouse
Are you a man or a mouse
Is an outdated phrase
Quite sexist when you think
Sounds strange these days
We’re wise enough to know
We have to be brave
Can’t hide away
Or go live in a cave
Need to get away from the dark
Walk away from the pain
Embrace the future
The past has no gain
Courage is a friend
It has invested in you
Waits behind the cloud
Waits for your cue
After courage comes happiness
Elusive though it seems
Don’t give up on life
Don’t give up on your dreams
Life is for the taking
It’s yours and it’s mine
Reach out – be brave
Be strong this time
Walk down the long road
Move slowly if you must
At the end of it you’ll find
Love and light and trust
If things are bad
And you’re feeling really low
Then upwards my friend
Is the only way to go
So, no more darting about
With frustration and fear
No more twitching whiskers
No more pink little ears
Go into the light
Get out of the house
Go after your dreams
Stop being a mouse.
Quote Of The Week
‘There’s always something you can do with the mad that you feel.’
Evening
Snow lies thick on evenings gown
The colour suits her well
Dusk shines palest yellow
Upon her curve and swell
And as she moves across the land
Her many jewels fall down
The snowflakes are her necklace pearls
The stars above – her crown
The charming moon, now round and cold
Steps out from darkened cloud with flair
To add the merest touch of gold
To brighten up her hair
As tall, dark night draws closer
Evening strides away
She says she won’t be taken in
By his invitation to stay
But it’s far too late for her
Though she swears she’ll not let him win
With a long and gentle sigh
She softly yields to him.
Quote Of The Week
‘You might as well like yourself, just think of all the time you’re going to have to spend with you.’