‘We lived as usual by ignoring. Ignoring isn’t the same as ignorance. You have to work at it.’
Author: Sue Young
The Joy of November – Bonfires From The Past
In November, boys would come round in late September, early October
asking for wood for bonfires
And if they didn’t get enough
Sometimes people would find half their shed missing
You had to look after your wood at this crucial time
Treat it like gold
Teenage boys could sniff it out.
Wood, not gold
And there was nothing they wouldn’t do to get it.
It was great if you wanted to get rid of a cabinet
Old bookshelf or table
Then you wouldn’t have to pay someone to take it away
And they would be so happy
You would be doing them a huge favour
But unfortunately, we never had any wood waste
Wood was precious in our home
And my parents would hide from the wood boys
As if they were bailiffs
Turn off the lights and hit the floor
I never saw their joyful little faces as I handed over an old
dresser, or a hefty wardrobe, as we didn’t have any spare oak furniture
to needlessly burn.
These boys would find their own little turf for their bonfire
Have it planned for weeks, possibly months.
‘Bommies’ would be compared with other bommies in other
fields, in other territories.
Pride was taken
Our bommie is bigger than so and so’s,
Our bommie is going to be custy, sound…
The best for miles around
The best in Kirkby
Never understood why they said ‘Bommie’ instead of
‘Bonnie,’ or ‘Bonny’ as in Bonfire. Maybe I misheard and they were saying ‘Bonnie’ or Bonny’
There was a lot that was baffling in those days
And, you just let it go if you knew what was good for you.
Just let the ‘Bommie’ go into the ether. You’re ten years old, the
puzzlement of ‘Bommie’ is the least of your troubles.
I think there may have been mafia like mentalities in the bonfire world at
this time, perhaps boys may steal and sabotage from other ‘bommies’, publicly deride the wood mountain. ‘Our wood
mountain is bigger than yours.’ conversation. The evening
would begin as soon as it got dark. 4p.m is some cases.
It would generally be no later than 6, and that would be considered
delayed gratification. It would generally be all over by 8p.m.
Premature combustion.
Actually, some of the best bonfires would be held back for a little later. 8.30 p.m
but practically all bonfire people would be indoors by 10
p.m or thereabouts because bonfire night has a 5 in 7 chance
of being on a school night. Bonfires would consist of chairs,
tables, wardrobes, bed frames, old Tom’s wooden leg,
anything wooden that was available and probably some wood
that wasn’t. Furniture could be stacked ten, twenty feet high.
It was a creative process. Something fit for The Tate. Try stacking that amount of wood without it falling while retaining an amazing asthetic quality at the same time. Dame Tracey Emin would be proud.
The bonfires, once lit, would create a thick smog that began
at sunset and would hang around until about midday the next
morning. Not many people could afford expensive fireworks
where I lived as a child, so bonfires were the main thing. Most times it
was just a gang of juveniles in charge of a bonfire, but
sometimes whole families and communities would be
involved.
There was a dystopian air, around ten o’clock, long abandoned bonfires still smouldering away, the fog soup
of smoke blurring the night so bad, you couldn’t see your
hand in front of your face, the smell of a burning bombed city
pervading the air for miles around and a strange calm and
eerie silence, that you don’t experience on any other night of
the year. Meanwhile, the formerly impulsive and restless fourteen
year old boys, are now exhausted and slightly smoke
damaged and safely tucked up in bed.
Bangers, unlike sparklers, weren’t pretty but they were relatively cheap. All they did was make a noise like a loud bomb, like a really loud bomb and that was it.
Okay, the children said, that’ll do! That’ll do just fine.
Fireworks are a strange thing. It’s in the word. Hello. Fire.
Works. It says it all. Don’t let them near your pets and
children.
In the 1970’s, 1980’s and 1990’s, young people, i.e
children, were allowed to buy and handle these dangerous
and candy cheap explosives, without any adult supervision.
There were casualities and they would be reported in the newspapers on November the 6th.
I don’t think I’ve seen a
‘bommie’ since 1992, or thereabouts. In the economically
depressed area I grew up in, it was a good thing to have
‘bommies’. They brought the community together, it was
good for neighbourhoods who were able to bond through the
miracle of fire. It was much needed entertainment and light
relief from the daily slug.
As a child, the ‘bommie’ was something I
subconsciously desired and needed, pressing my face up
against the glass for a glimpse of blazing sun in the hopeless
night. Huge bonfires dancing and jumping like fiery Ents
with a troupe of black clothed, hooded teenage boys,
worshipping and dancing around the fiery maypole, like
warlocks, idolising a bonfire which, always seemed to be
about to burn out of control and sometimes did, and the fire
brigade would come out many times that night.
Fire.
Childhood.
A brutal innocence.
Joy for Slugs
Grateful Suddenly
If I’m in pain
And the pain stops
I’m grateful suddenly
If I have no money
And I get a little
I’m grateful suddenly
If something bad happens
And it turns out okay
I’m grateful suddenly
If only I could be grateful
Not suddenly
But all the time.
The Joy of the Tomboy

I would follow my brother and his friends around, like a
puppy. I didn’t know how to make friends. I was like a magpie in
that way, trying to acquire something I hadn’t earned. If friends
are real and have integrity and honesty, they are a lot more
precious than what the magpie sees shining out the corner of his
eye, and thinks, can I have a share in that?
I had followed my brother when he had gone to meet one
of his friends. I must have been about seven or eight. My brother
was a year older than me.
We sat cross-legged in a circle, triangle really, on a
grass verge. The friend said, as if I wasn’t there, ‘Why is she here?
Why can’t she stop following us? Why can’t she get her own
friends?’ That kind of thing.
I was a very quiet, shy sort of follower and I just clung to
them like a limpet, yet my brothers friend must have thought, and
rightly so, that I was cramping their style. I shouldn’t be there!
It didn’t start off that way, but it got tiring for them after a while,
quite understandably, ending up in a general
dissatisfaction with the status quo. I theorise, even at that early
age, my brother allowed it, dare I say, encouraged my trailing
along because he enjoyed the idolisation. Some older brothers
may gladly forgo all the intimacies of boyhood friendship, if the
baby sister becomes a public and ardent admirer.
I completely bought into that tomboy thing, whether it was
through sheer desperation to be accepted and belong to a group or
maybe I genuinely enjoyed playing football. Perhaps I’ll never
know but I loved getting covered in mud and grass and didn’t
mind cuts and bruises.
I do remember being a dirty tackler. My methods were
questionable. I must have been aware that I was female on some
level and could get away with some things, tackling wise, that the
others couldn’t, thus making any game I was in, unfair, but it was
generally just kicking around. During one kick around, I
remember I was at some friends/neighbours house and they had a
sprawling overgrown garden, with what seemed like dense
vegetation and a wild wood at the end, probably grossly over
exaggerated by an overactive and childish imagination.
At one point during the game, the ball went into the
overgrowth. I went in immediately to retrieve it and was pulled
back by one of the boys in the game. He looked at me in horror.
‘You can’t go in there.’ he said. ‘You’re a girl.’
This was a defining moment for me. I felt a myriad of
emotions all at once. I was afraid. I couldn’t work it out. Next
moment, I was arrogantly amused. I knew something he didn’t.
He was misinformed. Next moment, I was indignant, singed by
his prepubescent sexism, shocked and confused by his youthful
chauvinism.
Next moment, I felt disappointment, then bitter dismay
and lastly an inexplicable sadness. My life flashed before my eyes
in that instant. Limitation and femaleness seemed to suddenly be
inexorably linked. I knew I could have got that ball without any
harm or injury and I can’t remember whether I rebelled and went
in, or hung back, temporarily weakened by the fact that I was
someone who couldn’t go into a few bits of weeds and bushes to
retrieve a football.
Many years later, the event crossed my mind, but now all I
saw was concern in sincere and honest eyes.
He was looking out for me…maybe, maybe not. After all, he didn’t know me enough to genuinely care about me. It was probably all about social mores, either a natural protective instinct on his part or something he’d digested culturally in his young and tender years. He was genuinely alarmed at the idea that I should go and get that ball from the dense and thorny
undergrowth. I hadn’t met him before that day and I haven’t met
him since. He was just a kid and so was I.
The Joylessness of Slugs
You’re a slug
You’re cold
You’re tired
You’re hungry
You’ve just spent several days
getting from the hedge
to the paving stone
And you are exhausted
Your children are hungry
They were crying when you left them
And what do you want right now?
What would make it right?
Cat food
Some kindly soul
Or careless cat owner
Or overfed cat
has left some
delicious, mouthwatering cat food
with a side serving of beer
The beer was either left by the cat
Or by one of the tall beings
who had poured the liquid on the ground
by mistake
Anyway, this ‘beer’ you like, is right by you
You’ve caught the scent
you are down that route
Second wind
you have found the strength to sliver down thereabouts
You are onto it
Life is good suddenly
You get that sometimes don’t you?
You know, when you dare to think that life is good?
That maybe, just maybe, the powers that be might favour you?
Or that the wind has changed direction
And you are no longer the scapegoat
The cursed
The person for whom sods law was invented
No bad luck tonight though eh?
Tonight, lady luck shines on you
You can smell the cat food
in all its horsey meatiness
Oh and the beer, the sugary, yeasty, malty, nutritious beer
Let’s go!
A light in the kitchen
Floods the paving stone
As I take my fill
I feel grateful
You think a slug can’t feel grateful?
Well, I do.
I’ve been on my butt for days
Slivering along
It was never ending
I thought I would go mad
So exhausted
But now everything
Just everything is okay
The universe has blessed me for once
me, a lowly working slug
Now after eating and drinking at the door of this
warm generous host, I will have the energy and means to feed my babies
Oh, wait, what’s that?
A bright light at the end of a big steel phallus
And at the end of that
a human
With a packet of something
Looming face.
Long body, legs, arms
Packet upturned
White stuff coming out of it
Is it snow?
It’s coming down
Upon my body.
I stop eating the delicious nutritious cat-food
It…it burns, this snow
Should snow burn?
I look up at the human again
They are smiling
If they’re smiling
It must be okay
But oh, it’s burning
It’s burning so bad
And they’re watching,
Waiting
Looking at me
So creepy
Oh, it burns
It burns so
And then I see
I am turning to liquid
My body is…
Pooling like blood
Oh, what are you doing to me?
Don’t!
Stop!
Please!
I am losing sensation
I look up and they are pouring more
Of what I thought was snowflakes
But now I realise must be a terrible poison
I don’t feel so good
That grin
It’s inside of me
They are
So pleased for my pain
They are happy for it
I’ve never felt pain like this
Help me
It’s agony
I can hear myself scream
Can they hear it?
They are grinning again
Grinning into my soul
Pouring down the snowflakes
the snow keeps pouring down
on my delicate skin
My body is seared
the snow is like acid on my skin
My body is water
The humans are happy
My kids…
I will not see them again
and now the human’s grin
also burns into me
It burns
It burns…
Quote of the Week
‘It may be that you still ought to thank god; why, for all you know he may be preserving you for something. Be of great heart and fear less.’
The Joy of Nostalgia
Is the Joy of Nostalgia
Just a clean white curtain
On a dirty window
And if you were back there again
Would you hate it
With a bigger passion
Then the first time round
Or maybe it really was as good as it seemed
And the world got worse
And not better
And nostalgia is all
Some people will have
To keep them warm at night
But in the experiences of today
We can make the memories of tomorrow
And the Joy of Nostalgia
All over again.
Friend of Many Colours
You were many colours
Red for your passion for life
Orange for your creativity and energy
Yellow for your sunny disposition
Green for your peaceful demeanour
Blue for your melancholy eyes and loyalty
Indigo for your wisdom and intuition
Violet for your amazing imagination
Everytime I see a rainbow
I think of you.
