‘It (love) is always based upon some mutual requirement, or complementary need. The point is to concentrate on what you have got with anyone and not on what you haven’t.’
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Things In My Head 
From her bio it doesn’t look like Elizabeth Jane Howard is someone to take advice about love from.
The quote seems to suggest she saw love as transactional and based on neediness and her lifetime of unhappy and abusive co-dependence may have had something to do with that.
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Yes, I’ve sometimes found that people can give out good sensible advice to others but are unable to apply it to their own lives.
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Gotta wonder how they could know if it’s good and sensible if they never made it work for themselves.
Seems to me if EJ Howard was ‘concentrating on what she has in her relationships’ she was concentrating on neglect and abuse. Maybe she should have paid more attention to the exit door, especially in regards to self-respect as an autonomous individual who doesn’t need to seek her ‘requirements’, ‘needs’ and validation in others.
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