Less Is More With You

I love you

Because you’re unexpected


Just salty enough

Tangy enough

I spread you close

Lather you up

Against the butter

Against the toast

But not too much

Less is more with you

You come finely housed in curvaceous glass

Not everyone likes you

But if they like you, they love you

And if they don’t like you, they hate you

And can’t stand the smell of you

Let alone eat you

Some people are taken in by your cunning disguise

They see you all brown and sticky and gooey and think

you are a chocolate spread

And then they eat you, one big mouthful

You’re a nice surprise or a nasty shock

Depending on your outlook and tastebuds

I once was a little frightened of you

And once, I hated you.

But now, I love you, Marmite.


  1. Please don’t tell my fellow Australians but I’ve been known to drop Marmite or Promite into my shopping basket too, eschewing the nationally iconised (now US owned) Vegemite. Around here that sort of thing can get you tied to a steak and thrown on the barbie (an Australian substitute for a barbeque, where meat is fried on a putrid, greasy slab of iron laid over a stinking, smoky, accelerant-boosted conflagration).

    However I did successfully introduce Vegemite to my Singaporean friends, so perhaps my status as a missionary will mitigate my punishment.

    One of my (local) friends is generally considered intellectually handicapped (or whatever the currently PC, soon to be offensive and demeaning, term for that sort of thing is). Most of his problems are linguistic and he’s actually a fair bit smarter than most people – including family and professional carers – give him credit for.

    A few weeks back he finished a late night phone call by saying he was going to have some Milo in milk and go to bed. I replied I was going to have a Promite sandwich and do the same.

    “What’s Promite?”

    “It’s like Vegemite but different.”

    “Why is it different?”

    “Promite’s for pros. Vegimite’s for vegies.”

    A pause, then outrage.

    “Why do they give me Vegemite sandwiches at day care?!!!”

    Oops. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t be fooled by this propaganda from the Australian edition of the Guardian.

    The actual penalties hereabouts for un-Vegemitey activities are more severe than exile and can include Anzac biscuit crumbs in your bed and getting force-fed soggy Skippy cornflakes.


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